have devised two new strategies today, one for the Great Job Hunt, and one for every day life. the new Great Job Hunt strategy is inspired by remembering resumes, and how easy it was to get a job in athens because all i had to do was type up something well-worded, to the point, and clever, explaining why i am awesome and what my qualifications were, hand them in at places, smile, and walk away. worked like a charm. this came to me like a jolt today after i realised that all i have been doing for the past week is running around like a chicken with my head cut off, barging into places like a bull, full of "motivation" and a ready-made script in my head, only to find that in actuality restaurants, bakeries, wineries, and prosciutterias arent exactly tranquil during operating hours. can never locate the manager and there are always people all over the place and i just end up getting very confused and sweaty, ordering something i dont want, losing my nerve due to all of the chaos, tripping over a chair, and slithering out the door sheepishly, vowing to do better at the next spot. think the best idea would be to come up with a lovely, possibly pink resume, which explains who i am and what i want and why i should be hired, and then go hand deliver it to all deserving places of business. surely someone will think im cute and take me on.
new strategy for every day life is to stop worrying so much about being productive and just relax. trying too hard to be productive is counterproductive, as i end up doing nothing productive because every time i start to do something i ask myself repeatedly "is this enough? ought i not to be doing something even more productive?", and then end up doing, in reality, absolutely nothing, hopping from one task to the next, finishing nothing and giving myself headaches. realised that is a blessing to have absolutely nothing to do all day in italy, not a burden. will stop making manic schedules of studying, job searching, exercise, and errand running, and instead do as i feel. day one of new strategy has gone swimingly. am feeling happy and relaxed and in the mood to walk for miles in this gorgeous october weather. studied a bit, posted some job ads, came up with new job hunt strategy, had a wonderful lunch with the boy and his family, and walked through the local art gallery. all in all the most successful day ive had in weeks.

tomorrow is the wedding. FL and i went out last weekend and bought him a new suit jacket. dark grey with hints of baby blue pin stripes, silk peaks on the corners of the cuffs. he looks so very handsom in it. had a ball making him try on all different dress shirts to go under it, ties, etc. puts a nice feeling in my tummy to be more excited about how good my boyfriend is going to look in his suit than about the actual event itself. so looking forward to being on his arm. the wedding is at 10:30am (odd, surely?), followed by a big italian lunch at a local agrotourismo. will remember camera. disaster stations, though, as tried on my beautiful paper-silk bubble dress (the one from rome) to find that for some reason it doesnt fit anymore (i say "for some reason"). is impossible that i have gained too much weight to fit into that dress though. all my other dresses and clothes fit the same. is mystery, and a dire one at that. was going to match my outfit to his, which is silly, i know, but life is simple and slow paced here and its the little things that occupy my thoughts. anyway, had it all planned and now must lose 4lbs by tomorrow morning at 9:30 (so weird). its always like this with me, cant just look nice, always something off. bah. also face is breaking out on left side, hair is even weirder, and mascara has chemically peaked and turned on me, now just a tube of gunky, flakey blackness. will remain calm and remember point of wedding is other peoples happiness e.g. married couple and no one will be looking at me anyway.

where is my mother? why havent you called me?