i guess i need to wrap this up. flew home and kept meaning to do it, but ive been either too tired, or forgotten about it, or just didnt know where to start. i'll keep this short and sans sentimentality, or try to.
the last day in rome i wandered around by myself, doing those little things i love to do that give me great pleasure. a cappuccino here, petting a kitty there. had the nice man at the cart in campo dei fiori make me a pork panino, and i sat in piazza farnese and watched the people, and the spot where it all started. when i first came to rome back at the beginning of all of this, antonio had me meet him by the fountain in piazza farnese (actually an ancient roman bath tub that they turned into a fountain, so beautiful). i was looking at it the other day while i ate, and i could see myself there, a hot august morning, my calvin klein outfit on in an attempt to feign composure and youthful elegance after an overnight flight, my ginornous backpack cracking my shoulder blades with its weight of excess provisions (soon to be sorted and ditched in greece, but we werent there yet...), and such a feeling of excitement and...confidence in my little tummy. i think it was real, this memory i have of being totally confident. i wasnt scared at all, i was excited mostly. i was standing there when antonio came out to greet me, securing my lack of nerves, securing that, as they say, tutto era a posto. i walked over after a time and stood there, in that spot. did a mental check of both physical and spiritual changes that may have occured. maybe a little bit heavier in the mid section, but i dont think so, my clothes fit just the same. my hair is definitely shorter. maybe im taller, but i doubt it. i dont have any fingernails, and when i arrived i was in a weird pocket of self-discipline and had grown them to a point of being able to paint them. more or less the same girl, though. and mentally, emotionally...i dont know.
after dinner that last night i broke away from aunt harri and uncle c, sending them on their way while i attended to some business. came to the trevi fountain, where be it out of sentimentality or superstition or something deeper, i knew i had to make a little peace. threw a .5 cent piece into the fountain for my father. then threw a whole euro, and said a prayer for myself, asking rome to take me back one day. threw another whole euro in there for my love, leaving it nameless and spaceless and ageless and general, but hoping...and finally a .1 cent coin, just for good measure. figured i had all my bases covered, and rome needs me as much as i need her, so i feel confident in our spiritual contract.
the flight home was so long, i was awake over 28 hours by the end. ate too many pistaccio nuts and got ill. arrived in atlanta to find cooper and parker and aunt kathi awaiting me, precious as always, like not a moment had gone by (though it definitely had, way too many moments, and parker made sure i knew it). went to late-night steak and shake and got my burger fix, and then came home, to my bedroom, just as i left it, and my kitties, just as i left them, and my mama, just as i left her. home is home, and always will be.
so in conclusion i will say only: thank you. thank you for reading, thank you for the support, the comments, the love. i hope you enjoyed reading this even a fraction as much as i enjoyed writing it, living it. She Considers Light and Heat will come to a close now but, who knows...maybe one day...
arrivederci!