ok, fine. up until a moment ago i was fine with acting like i was ready to hang myself from the flagpole in front of my school in despair. that would be the ultimate act of self-pity, self-pity that is due to my sudden "realization" i.e. aknowledgement that i may have messed up big time. was all mopey and begrudgingly giving one last go at studying before throwing in the towel, but then i managed to embarrass myself in some way, and for some reason, it kind of perked me up.
am here in the computer lab, where ive sat since 9am, in the act of transcribing and translating 247 text book pages worth of viticulture from italian to english on google translate. after a major and blessed cry in the bathroom around 2, i returned to push myself a little further. i figured some classical music might help smooth over the mindnumbing, so i youtubed Bach, plugged in my head phones, and fiddled with the complicated "sound system" knobs trying to get it to work. turned the volume all the way up, but i could barely hear the music. figured it was just a bad system. suddenly i saw heads turn and italian eyes look at me, and i, naturally, assumed the boy next to me saw my computer screen and was staring at me open-mouthed thinking, "wow, what a cute, intelligent girl, listening to bach". tried to act cute and intelligent. then he tapped me on the shoulder and alerted me to the fact that the reason i couldnt hear any music in my head phones was actually because i had turned on the outward audio. bach was blasting from my computer and i was sitting here like a 'tard with my headphones in. i swear, i can't just, like, function...anyway, made me laugh actually, so i feel a little better.

dont even want to blog about school. has officially, as i had anticipated and assumed, turned out to be a disaster. i want to write other things, i know i havent written in a long time, but i have to have to study unless i want to fail at college and life. so bare with me.
i love yall