paul newman

my grief is deep. blake called and woke me up from a nap saturday with the news of paul newmans death, and i felt my body sink deeper into my mattress then could be physically possible. i love paul newman, he was one of my truest heros, and the thought of our world not being graced by his presence anymore is both terrifying and heartbreaking. after some thought, however, i have come to the conclusion that all is as it should be. he has died, but after what? after a life full of big smiles and twinkling eyes and a marriage that personified the idea of love, and a life that was dedicated to the persuit of helping those less fortunate find peace and strength. paul newmans gift to our world, both through his films, and his personal convictions, and his countless hours and millions of dollars of generocity that he bestowed to people, especially children, are beyond measure. i think we should use his life as a template for our own; recognize the love and happiness that comes with compassion and humanity, the fullfillment that we can find in ourselves when we let go of fear and live our lives according to our passions, and the blessings of finding people, perhaps even a specific person, that we love dearly, and holding onto them for a lifetime.
i will miss paul newman, but he is now as he always was: a hero, a mentor, and the most beautiful man that has ever walked this earth.
john steinbeck says in his novel the wayward bus, that as we go through life we come to realize more and more that there arent very many men, real men, after all. when i read this thought last summer in my copy of the book, i circled the line, and next to it i wrote, simply, "paul newman". in a world of few, where most are wannabes or little boys lost, he definitely was, in all ways, a man.