hm. ok. have realised of late that i have gained alot of weight over the course of these last few months. on top of that, my nails look terrible, my hair is like straw, and i havent done laundry in 2 weeks so i smell. so, starting right now, i am on a new regime called GROW UP, in which i blossom into a beautiful woman who does none of the following:
-eat entire pizzas in one sitting
-think about but not actually do my work outs on the floor
-eat like, alot of anything, actually
-drink more than 2 alcohol units a day, or even any
-smoke cigarettes
-wash my hair every day but allow it to become a bit dirty so as to collect natural shine, and in the akward interim find some cute way to put it up
-bite nails or let the polish go to rubbish

so, will begin to exercise, eat alot less (my appetite has been out of control), stop smoking, forgo cappuccinos, sweets, and copious amounts of bread in favor of fruit and vegetables, stop biting my nails, and will begin studying more and reading the economist. yes. a new life! also, will stop feeling sorry for myself and having panic attacks every 20 minutes. will be happy. is practically spring anyway, so i can slump off this winter slump and live!

so, oscar the cougar has arrived! for those of you who dont know, cooper has a school project in which a tiny cougar named oscar sails the seven seas and journeys to places far and wide to collect photographs and souvenirs of his experiences, and upon rearrival in the US he will give a presentation on where all it is that he went (that sentence is so gramatically incorrect but it stays, sorry mom). first, oscar visited marion, where according to his little journal he went to a soccer game. i awaited oscars arrival for weeks. as i told aunt kathi: unfortunately oscar arrived in the midst of the impromptu and unexpected keg party that took place instead of lessons yesterday. what began as an innocent barbq on the lawn spiraled out of control into a raging keg\wine\"latte di suocera" fest, in which, yes, i will admit, me and about 25 other crazy people ate fantastic food and commenced to dance like fiends on top of a car while house music blared and the professors just like, canceled classes because we were all beyond saving. the party started out wonderfully...the sky was blue and it was HOT and several of the italians were grilling meats (pancetta, chicken, ribs, sausage, etc etc etc oh my god) and boys ran about refilling wine glasses and offering tasty appetizers...we lounged in the sunshine and checked our watches to make sure we would still be on time for class and kicked our shoes off. lunch commenced, a real feast, and there was applause and song in appreciation for our hosts, was all lovely...lovely...and then shit just like, hit the fan. and then all of a sudden the lady from the front desk was there in the midst of all of this with a package in her arms and someone pointed to me and i cried, "oscar?!" and it was, it was him!
do not worry though, AK, i guarded young oscar like a hawk. and the truth was, the italians, though wild, were totally adoarble and kind to him. everyone came up and shook his hand and told him "bienvenuto a cormons, oscar!" and some of them asked to pose for pictures (beer glasses hidden behind backs) and now hes just one of us dorm kids. everyone asked, "dov'e oscar?" (where is oscar) and when they see him now they say "ciao!". this weekend i will take the little guy to venice and have his photo taken with a gondelier.
so the thing is, i am absolutely head over heels for this boy now...the thing is, hes good. really good. and he makes me want to not be a trashy american who curses and falls down occasionally and gets sad over not being able to decide what to buy at the grocery store. when im around him i get so nervous i can hardly look him in the eye and i want to put my hair in braids and be innocent and hard working and have not a mean thought in my head. but we'll see. i will begin to work on myself one day at a time, which is all any of us can do. blake and i vowed today over the phone to not be trashy anymore, but to embrace what little in us in genteel. remember our roots and do them right. so wish me luck.