am functional, well-rounded,composed woman of confidence

today was wonderful, and i am extremely sore and my feet are covered in soot in a most compelling way. i spent yesterday being sick and headachy and sweaty, and tried to catch up on my sleep and fend off homesickness. i kept remembering being 6 or so when mom and dad went to australia and left me with aunt sally. i was so terribly distraught that i got a fever and wouldnt play with alice ann or richard and slept with my head near the phone for days and threw up alot. at least thats how i remember it. same thing happened when i went to china, except it was john i was missing so bad. yesterday i was just all over scared, but i knew that when i woke up this morning it would have all passed and i could be happy and functional again. and, huzzah! was right.
i went and had a cappucinno at that little cafe across from hotel smeraldo where my family stayed years ago, on our first trip here. i remember mimi sitting with me at that cafe, so i like to go back. feels familiar and safe. the lady there is a bit crabby and doesnt speak english and really does not like people to look at her croissants and not actually buy one. i like her, though, so i think i will keep going back and being sweet and friendly and eventually she will crack.
i walked forever today. found a little used book store that sells books on meditation, religion, philosophy, and astrology, all in italian of course. i bought this adorable flip book with sketches of how to meditate and clear your mind, a book on pagan ceremonies, and margaret mead's 'sex and temperament', which is a book i study in anthropology. the sweet old man and i had quite a time working out how much i owed him. i felt myself get really nervous and forget all my numbers and start to stare blankly. but he was so gentle that i took a deep breath, counted in my head, got to 'ventisei', and gave him perfect change. was very motivating because realized that i dont not know the language, i just dont trust myself to use it. everyone is very helpful, though, and in the end it all gets figured out. was so moved by my achievement (counting to 26) that i made a go at eating in a proper restaurant. i couldnt read the menu so i did the brave but dumb thing, which is just point to something and hope for the best. and guess what they brought me?? FRIED CHEESE!!! seriously. just a hunk of cheese that had been put into a skillet. was a miracle. couldnt eat more then 5 bites as was so baffled as to why in the world this was even real and my stomach started to turn when i actually considered what i was eating. but it wasnt bad, and it certainly was a good start.
wound up at the villa bourghese, where i wandered about looking at happy couples and business men taking naps in the grass. spent the afternoon in the national museum of modern art, which was lovely.
decided that it was high time that i went to the grocery store, so that i can have proper food at the house to eat instead of waiting till i am nearly faint from starvation and then eating a can of tuna at 4 in the morning. so now have responsible, adult kitchen full of vegetables and olives and cute 3 pack of peroni (especially responsible to have 3pack of beer as obviously not enough to get drunk on, but for having merely as staple of functional household). also, am not going to spend 30 euro on cured ham anymore and not even have decent bread. is overindulgent.
have decided to go to trastevere this evening for dinner, as both aunt alice and antonio recommended places in that area. havent been over to that neighborhood ever, so im excited, and antonio says lots of "young people" mill around so maybe will find someone to talk to.
im going to try and post pictures, if i can get my camera to link up to antonios computer. ill let yall know...