fo' shizzle

i feel positively feral right now. when i look at myself in the mirror i have a hard time recognizing my face; my eyes have changed from hazel green to an opaque teal, silver, and lime. there's depth and light in there that i havent seen for a while, if ever, and its hard to focus on anything but the sun setting on the walls of the buildings across the street and the pigeons swooping through the evening sky.
antonio, who is now my hero whom i am convinced was granted to me by a much higher power, returned to the flat this evening, supposedly with the objective of getting his sunglasses. i was sleeping, a deep heavy sleep that made me feel guilty and weak, and i was both relieved and enraged when the doorbell rang and i heard his soft italian voice asking if i could please buzz him up. after scouring the apartment for a few minutes, antonio put his glasses in his front shirt pocket and said, "so, um, el'nor. you wanna take a vespa ride, or are you too scared?"
i balked at him and shouted, a bit too eagerly, "i'm not scared!", and scampered off to the bedroom to put on the proper vespa-around-rome attire: prada slingbacks, skinny jeans, a brand new beautiful navy silk shirt from calvin klein with a boat neck and buttons on the sleeves, and a splash of mascara and chanel. i feel that i have had that outfit picked out for this occasion my entire life.
as we took off down the alley i was clinging tightly around his torso, terrified that we would get slammed by a bus or that my shoes would fall off. but once we got going, i felt more and more secure, guided by a supremely competent roman driver, and i began to relax, lean back, and giggle uncontrollably. i felt like hillary duff in the lizzie mcguire movie, which unfortunately put that awful rendition of 'hey gumbaree' in my head, but i didnt really mind.
we sped through traffic masterfully, around tiny cars and old ladies and traffic circles, all the while antonio pointing out buildings, fountains,and piazzas, until we came to the crest of the hill, and the monstrous form of the colluseum loomed up. ive seen it before, but in the dimming light, at that speed, with nothing but rushng air between me and history, it was positively breathtaking. we circled around, through the forum, over the bridge to trastevere, and up another hill to st.peters, white and stark. a little ways down antonio pulled over, and we walked across some beautiful bridge which i cannot remember the name of and watched the river and walked around a huge building that use to be a mosoleum, then a fortress, and is now a museum to itself.
we rode again thorugh the city, and every corner we turned had some place that i recognized, or thought i did at least, and i would let out little yelps of joy at the memories that the sights afforded me. we pulled into a coffee shop, one that is suppose to have the best coffee in rome. the cute adrian brody look alike scowled playfully at me when i requested no zucchero (sugar) in my espresso, and antonio walked me around the corner to the pantheon. the piazza was packed as usual, and we stood and gawked at the marvelous structure, and discussed how rome made us feel small and insignificant yet part of the history of the world, a part of civilization and architecture and evolution that is unobtainable in anywhere but what used to be the center of the earth, and still is for some.
on our walk back to the vespa, i told antonio that my life goal had been obtained, a vespa ride around rome at sunset with a dark haired man, and he laughed and said that he was glad he could "present" me a dream come true. the church bells all over rome struck 8pm as we glided back to the flat, and the ringing of them sent vibrations through the alleyways, metallic clashes that echoed between each dong-dong-dong and illuminated the city in noise and time and place. i have never loved any place on earth more then rome, and the beautiful fresco of the virgin mary outside my window reminds me that, whoever it may be, God or the cosmos or myself, there is someone to thank for my being here, and i am eternally greatful for all of this.
i am back at the flat now. antonio has taken the train to sienna for two weeks and left me the apartment and his stereo system and a coffee pot and a gerneal idea of where i stand in this city. i am listening to Yo La Tengo 'the way we fall' and thinking about things, and people, and a person, and myself. i have 5euro on me, having gotten gipped at the currency counter and not having quite as much exchange as i thought i would. but i think that 5 will get me a slice of pizza margarita and a glass of wine when i go out for my walk in a bit.
feeling quite euphoric, and i wish you were here.