roma, again

i was thinking today that in alot of ways, i still feel thirteen. my fears and expectations and jubilence is similar now as then, at least to my memory. i think im prettier now then i was then, and i think i have better taste in shoes, and id like to think that i have better taste in men as well. my concern was this: that the passion i felt for italian men when i was thirteen was inflamed by the fact that they paid attention to me, their prowess and debonair struts. i worried today, while sitting in the airport watching the various italian men waiting to fly home, that now that im older and a bit wiser i would find the italians smarmy, obnoxious, arrogant, and disrespectful, as my friend angela does. my fears have been abated, though. now that i am here, in antonio's apartment, looking out of his window onto the alley below, listening to nina simone and drinking fresh dripped espresso that he made me, i know that there still is a qualityto these men, to this country as a whole, that made me fall in love in the first place. ill just have to be choosey.
i flew first class to rome today, which put a cap on the attainment of my life's goal that i really wasnt expecting. 5 glasses of white wine, 2 crab cakes, and 1 v. soft blanket into the plane ride, i adjusted my seat to fit my spine, took some tylenol pms, and drifted off. when i awoke i could see out the window, down onto the coast line below. still so far off,but the sparkling water and red roofed casas were more then apparent, and i could finally breathe. i went to the bathroom, changed into my new calvin klein "welcome home to rome" outfit, scrubbed my face bright and clean, and slipped on my prada shoes.
the histeria i had always predicted would come when i found myself here, alone, didnt come. i had bridget jones to keep me calm, and a familiarity with the place that allowed me to feel my way through the train station, into a taxi, and out onto the streets.
i found a guy to rent an apartment from on craigslist, and im beginning to think that the whole thing was fated. his name is antonio, and hes some sort of Ph.d in economics guy who was raised in SIENNA, heaven on earth, who studied at U of Texas several years back. he told me in an email yesterday that he would be waiting for me, at 11am rome time, by the fountain in piazza farnese (this piazza backs up to campo di fiori, me and mimi's favorite). the whole idea of flying first class out to rome, to meet some mystery italian man who was waiting for me by a fountain to take me to my apartment was literally too amazing to comprehend. i managed to keep my cool, though i must have looked like a crazy person with a grin from ear to ear when we met. i feel like its ok, though, cause he kind of looked like a crazy person, too: wild black curls all over his face, thick, square rimmed glasses over his dark eyes, a bright orange shirt that i can only imagine was awarded to him at some sort of texas-hold-em-dollar-beer-extravaganza that he attended while in the US. he took my backpack from my shoulders first thing, shook my hand, and with a grin as lopsided as his hair walked me down a small alley to his door. the door is thick, but small, heavy wood, and we need a gigantic skeleton key to open it. apparently the building use to be some sort of tower that led to a bell up top. when the door's opened, you have to walk around and around up steep, medeival stone stairs that wind and twist. his apartment is about 6 turns up, as far as i can tell (hard to say, i get dizzy), and through another door that looks like it was made hundreds of years ago. the apartment is small, but incredibly cozy, with exposed beams and a stone floor, and several windows that look out onto all sides and different alley ways. ella fitzgerald way playing when we walked in, and it smelled like cinnamon and hemp. it's decorated to perfection, all wood furniture and beautiful artwork, lanterns and comfortable pillows. the views are spectacular, beyond belief: grey clay rooftops and time-slanted windows, cobblestones, and a mosaic of the virgin mary. antonio wasnt quite ready to leave, since my flight got in about an hour earlier then we planned, and so i read and unpacked while he tidied up and showered, and we had a cup of coffee and talked about what it meant to be a southerner and the temptations and economics (i didnt have much to say on that subject). when i unpacked my suit case a waterfall of confetti stars left over from the party went splashing onto the floor. i started to apologize, but antonio waved his hand and said, "it's ok, we were always encompassed by stars". i cocked my head and looked at him, thinking, jesus, is he getting cheeky already? but he laughed and pointed to the ceiling, where i saw a galazy of glow in the dark stars stuck to the wooden beams. the place feels like home already. later he took me on a walk around the neighborhood, to show me the grocery store, dry cleaners, farmacia, telephone shop etc. we stopped and he bought me a slice of pizza and a peroni, and he said that if he comes back to town before i leave he'll take me to sienna for a day trip. i giggled and told him that my mom would be so jealous. we've concluded that the reason that he's 34 but looks 26 is because of sienna, because of how soft and easy life is there. he said he's aged considerably since moving to rome, which is something to consider. i still want this place to be my home, though. ill just have to toughen up some.
so now antonio has gone, and i have the apartment to myself. i have my dear friend's ipod hooked into antonios speakers, and im listening to rilo kiley and rooting around the apartment, being nosey. i just feel more and more enchanted with every passing second.
the sky is bright blue, and its hot hot hot.